-5- [Video Blog Fantasy Fight Round #2]

[twoton21]

[21 appears in his civvies on the screen and appears to be snacking on something. He finishes chewing and swallowing seconds after, though, realizing the equipment is already working.]

All right, we got some good discussion going last time, so let's go for another fantasy fight. At the risk of bouncing off a couple fourth walls here: Who would win in a fight? Adolf Hitler or Voldemort. No weapons, no lackeys, no magic.

Go!

Comments

one character with pop culture AND roundworld history knowledge. this is sad.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

No magic?

Hitler. He might be short and a snivelling little fascist, but:

a) he was a soldier
b) Voldemort has, what, 1/7th of a soul? And is all pale and icky.
c) you've still got to be kind of tough to be a fascist. It's the putches.
d) Voldemort would only know how to fight with his magic and wouldn't know how to throw a punch.
e) did you see kid Voldemort in those films? He was a weed. I doubt adult Voldemort was much better.

Re: one character with pop culture AND roundworld history knowledge. this is sad.

[twoton21.livejournal.com]

Dude, he wasn't a soldier. He was lucky. The fact that he could get his pants on in the morning was a miracle.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

No, he was a soldier in the First World War. I'll go find you a page in a history book which says it. He got the Iron Cross.

I might not be that fucking clever, but I know that much.

[twoton21.livejournal.com]

I'm not disputing he might have been in the military; I just don't automatically assume that means the guy had skills.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

Trench fucking warfare might have been sitting in the mud and getting shot, but you've got to presume he got some basic fuckin' training there. Or at least some survival skills, as he didn't get shot, did he?

[twoton21.livejournal.com]

Dude, do you know how many times he narrowly missed being assassinated? The guy rolled natural 20s on all his luck checks.

Not to distract from your point but he didn't start being lucky when he got a cool coat and a funny haircut.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

luck checks?

Being a lucky bastard's the best thing you can have in a fight. Make that point f).

[twoton21.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I kind of think that's a characteristic they both share. Voldemort actually has the advantage of being genuinely intelligent, though.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

Intelligence is fucking useless in a fight. You spend all that time trying to play clever and tactics and the other guy's already introduced his wedding ring to your nose and you're down.

Besides, I think my point about Voldemort being pretty useless without magic still stands.

[twoton21.livejournal.com]

That's IF Hitler wasn't intimidated by y'know -- a guy who's pretty much physically half snake. Something he's probably never seen before. Attitude goes a long way, and the guy kind of had a history of failing to stand up to people that are bigger assholes than he is.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

...Voldemort might be intimidated by that moustache. Or by not being able to hide behind his wand for the first fucking time in his life.

And I dunno about that, he certainly bloody turned one on Stalin, didn't he? Alright, Stalin kinda-fucking-had the last word, but I bet you anything he shat himself when Hitler went 'actually, no, I'll have the REST of Poland.'

[twoton21.livejournal.com]

Did they ever meet in person? I'm not too sure on that, but I don't think they did. And you know how easy it is to talk smack about people that aren't in the room.

You ever read about what happened to Hitler whenever he visited Spain trying to get a handout?

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

Don't think Hitler met many of these bastards. I heard somewhere that him going to Paris was a fucking adventure. I thought it was whatchacallhim. Ribbentrop doing all the bugging people.

Still reckon he'd win, no questions asked.

[twoton21.livejournal.com]

Nah, apparently he'd go to Spain personally because Spain was doing fascism and they had a bitching army, but they didn't want involved and their leader was a shrieking bastard on like -- cartoony insane levels. So Hitler could never get a word in edgewise and would be so pouty that they'd have to pamper him double time when he got home. That's what I've been told anyway.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but Voldemort's not fucking Franco and he doesn't have a bitching army, does he?

You can be a lot more screechy and annoying when you've got a bitching army to back you up.

[twoton21.livejournal.com]

Dude, he has evil wizards, half the ministry, giants, and dementors in his army. That's pretty bitching.

[christ-onabike.livejournal.com]

But in this fight, neither's got a fucking army, does he? You take a fancy dude's powers, he's got nothing, you take away a normal bloke's gun, and he's still got his fists.

I know who'd win.